Chronic Illness Challenges and the Holidays

Chronic Illnesses of many varieties produce daily challenges all year long. Expectation over the holidays rooted in tradition prove to be emotionally and physically demanding, often leading to disappointment and frustration. In the therapy setting we see patients feeling pressure from family and friends to participate in all the holiday events. People living with chronic health conditions generally want to be the person they once were and push themselves into situations that can lead to a crash. Sometimes this crash is worth it when the people and the tradition are very important to them. A crash can last for days to months. Patients find it frustrating when others around them don’t understand the cost related to these decisions that well people don’t have to make. Sometimes a person with significant symptoms needs to make the hard choice to decline participation in holiday events to preserve energy for tasks of daily living. If a person with a chronic illness chooses to go to a holiday celebration, they may not have energy over the next two weeks to shower and make meals, and this energy exchange may not be worth it.

A NEW SCALE OF SUCCESS

The situation chronic illness creates for a person can often lead to feelings of grief and loss over the multitude of things that have changed. It’s a common topic in therapy to acknowledge these losses and work toward building awareness of things that are still possible. We often have conversations about measuring success on a new scale that’s appropriate to the situation as it is, not as a person wishes it was. Continual frustration and disappointment result from using the old scale of measuring success when chronic illness was not present. If patients and their closest people can measure success in a new way, accomplishments are measured with pride in smaller pieces. The scale, the assessment of self, and the behaviors often need to change, not only for the patient, but within the patient’s circle of people. This is a process of adjustment that takes time.

OPTIONS FOR CONNECTION

People living with chronic health conditions need to find new ways to connect with others when the hard choice to decline or make short appearances are necessary. One option is to place a video call to the party to briefly chat. You might chose to send greeting cards before the holidays to stay connected and announce your difficult choice to preserve energy and take care of yourself. Sending gifts utilizing online shopping and delivery is a good option. Some people decide to make short visits to one small family or friend group at a time throughout November, December, & January to spread out the effort. Sometimes a decision is made to participate, but the day of the event proves to be a day where your brain is writing checks your body can’t cash. It’s OK to cancel at the last minute. Feelings of guilt are very common and again a great topic for therapy.

SUPPORT

Forgiveness of self, adjusting to the situation as it is, and finding new ways of connecting over the holidays are important when chronic illness is a part of your story. When it feels like the illness is the whole story, be reminded you are more than your illness. Finding peace and hope is a theme not only during the holiday season but all year long. Let the practitioners at InMind Health be a part of your story in building hope and confidence in your experience of LIVING with chronic illness.

Stacey Allen, MA, LMFT Psycho-Oncology, Psycho-Medical Consultant